Tag Archives: English

Oribi Mom: Great Memories Don’t Need a Shelf

“My expensive collectible 2012 Korean Grand Prix mug stared back at me.”

I was washing my dishes in the outside sink (my kitchen renovation is three months overdue). The skittish lesser-striped swallow couple were feeding their cheeping babies above my head. Monkeys were starting to forage nearby. My fluffy, white bunnies were napping under the washing after a usual night of exploration and mayhem around the yard.

I reached past the terrifying earwig that appears on my sponge each morning, and picked up an item from the soapy water. Confused, I did a double take as my collector’s mug emerged with bubbles and coffee stains.

My expensive collectible 2012 Korean Grand Prix mug stared back at me.

The Mug Was a Genuine Collectible From Not So Long Ago

I could not believe this heirloom had been used for coffee. But I remembered that it had been a crazy week with too much work, too little sleep, and no energy for regular dishwashing in my scenic scullery. It had been sick babies juggled with looming deadlines. It has also been a month of several power outages, including a five-day streak after some lightning.

That mug represented all that came before this chaos, when we still contemplated having an adult display shelf instead of only toddler-friendly zones. It told tales of calm and adventurous years of travel, extended honeymoons, and lots of sleep. It was a different life stage; not better, just different.

That Time That Felt Like Another Lifetime Now

It was a time when it was the two of us taking a last-minute road trip in a foreign country to see a real Grand Prix, an event we only dreamed about attending during our lifetime. Vettel fans, we put the track into our Korean-speaking GPS – no small feat, I promise you.

In a comedy of errors that we laughed about afterwards, there was no room at the hotel. There was also no way to park at the track without a permit. Luckily, we chose a hotel that was full of press for the Grand Prix. Two kind French journalists overheard our predicament and shoved two press parking passes into my husband’s hand, saying, “Follow me,” just like that little shrimp in Finding Nemo.

Our borrowed Matiz kept up with their Mercedes as if its life depended on it.  It was living up to its local reputation as the mosquito of the highway.

Follow the Adventure and Don’t Get Pushed Off the Road By a Celebrity

The journalists told us explicitly to zoom through the checkpoints as if we belonged there, so we did. Before one of these obstacles, we were almost shoved off the road by a pompous black sports car carrying none other than Heikki Kovalainen.

Still, we found our seats in time for the parade. Those F1 drivers waved right at us as the thunderous Korean air force formation zoomed overhead, more deafening than anything that raced around the track that day. Even when my broken collector’s mug is a mosaic on an old pot plant in fifty years’ time, it will still be true that we raced our Matiz against an F1 legend.

Great memories don’t need a shelf. Oh, and Vettel won.

Published here.

Culture Shock South Korea

10 June 2014

As an English teacher in South Korea, my South African brain has had to deal with major culture shock the last two years; some things more mind-blowing than others:

1. Confused borrowed etiquette. Coffee is generally served in tea cups and tea served in coffee mugs.

2. All meals must be eaten in exactly 15 minutes or less. And no talking. Also, cut your food with scissors.

3. Slurping noodles is considered rude by “traditional etiquette standards”, but is widely practiced and grating “shlurp” sounds should always be expected. Same goes for chewing with your mouth open.

4. A popped “personal space bubble” – especially on public transport where you are surrounded by countless other bodies, touching arms or shoulders is really no biggie. Oh, and don’t expect an apology if someone bumps into you.

5. Konglish e.g. SF (sci-fi movie), eye-shopping (window shopping), arbeit (part time job), apart (apartment), heart-a-beat-a (nerves/fear), fry (fried egg), fat size (clothing sizes for larger-than-Korean people)… and the list goes on.

6. Feet. DO NOT expose your toes to your students or colleagues, EVER! Wear socks, even those semi-transparent nylon socks. Unless you don’t mind the looks and whispers.

7. Elevators. DO NOT speak while inside an elevator. Just don’t. Stare only at the wall, the mirror, the floor or the ceiling.  No eye-contact is allowed.

8. Driving. Drive faster than the speed limit at all times, but break hard before every speed camera (the GPS already knows the location of all the speed cameras).  Also, hoot while the traffic light is still red to make sure the cars in front of you are ready to screech out of the starting position when the light turns green. Or just ignore red lights altogether and just drive around the pole to avoid the cameras.

9. Ajummas (old women). If you are an old woman, you may walk wherever you please, including in the middle of the road. You may also push anyone out of the way, skip queues, bump violently into any people who don’t move out of your way and always stare openly at foreigners (with your mouth wide open for better effect).

And these are only the tip of the iceberg… I haven’t even mentioned the Darth-Vader-style sun visors, the very mini skirts, the perms (from toddlers to pop stars), the rice fascination, the obsession with all things “pamous” (famous) and the skin-whitening suncream.  Come for a visit, I’m sure you’ll soon discover a whole lot more South Korean charm.